A Beginning.......

I felt the sand sinking between my toes, so fine and soft, almost like silk. I swear there is no better feeling. I turned my attention to the sound of the sea lapping up onto the sand. The little toe of my right foot was getting wet. It felt cold, yet refreshing. I looked up. The sun was setting. When had it become dusk? It was beautiful. Orange and pink. It took my breath away. It was as though each of my senses were clicking in one by one and tuning in to what was around them. I had been here for a while, on this beach, so long in fact everyone else had left. I was alone, again. I couldn't’t quite figure out whether I was pleased or not, but thought I’d embrace it. I lowered myself onto the sand.
     Earlier on the beach had been full of people; daughters hand in hand with their fathers. A loud, yet small, Spanish guy exchanged money for ice-creams; boyfriends and girlfriends lying side by side, fingers touching. It was too hot for any other kind of contact. It had been full of the sound of people playing ball games, children racing to the sea and the murmur of lazy attempts at conversation. The heat was unbearable. It was silent now and, apart from my own slow breathing and the sea, I could not hear a sound.
     The temperature was just right. Warm enough, and the breeze… wow! The breeze! It was cool and sent goose pimples up my legs. But not so cold that it sent any kind of chill over my body. I lay back on the sand. It was in my hair, but I didn’t care. Right now I was at peace with myself, my surroundings and most importantly, my mind. I was bursting with emotion. It went straight to my tear ducts. It took all I had to stop that tear -that tear that had been sitting there impatiently for days- from being set free on its journey down my cheek. But my mind felt so empty. I felt like there was nothing to think about anymore, nothing to worry about - nothing to cause that horrible feeling that my heart might jump out of my chest and into my mouth. Is it possible to feel everything yet nothing at all? What’s the use in crying anymore? What’s the use in allowing that all consuming anger to take over?
     Hours passed. I eventually peeled myself from the sand and reached for my shoes. It crossed my mind to slip my feet back into them, but I wanted to feel the sand between my toes for the last stretch. I walked back to, what seemed like, nowhere....